It is hard for me to find the Christmas Spirit this year. I am sorry for neglecting my Santa duties here on myspace but life got in the way in the form of my children being sacrificed for everyone else’s intents and purposes.
Unfortunately there is some things I can’t blog about publicly at present. I am sorry I am blogging some blogs on preferred at present but those blogs are for close IRL friends and family only. So please do not take it personal if you are not on that list.
Yesterday I wandered sadly through the shopping centre with Kiralea and Kaelan. It was a lonely time for us and very quiet without the presence of the three little ones.
I stopped and watched wistfully as a family of grown up children posed to have what looked like their annual photo with Santa. Their parents stood by beaming proudly. The smiliarities between the siblings was amazing and it was a bittersweet moment as i watched their friendly and easy banter back and forth as they jovially stood there.
It was a happy time. One of the young men seated at the front had a bell in his hand and every now and then he excitedly rang it. I glanced at his brother standing behind him, wondering if they were twins. Suddenly the man at the front started shaking his knees together and jumping up and down.
His sister who was seated next to him laughed and gently put her hand on his leg to calm him down. I could see now that he was disabled and it twisted the knife in my heart deeper as I thought of Brodie, alone without me now for the first time in his life.
The snap was taken, a moment in time to treasure. Laughing and smiling the family stepped down to approach their parents. Straight away the disabled lad went up to his father and enveloped him in a big bear hug. His father laughed, his son was almost as big as him and had near knocked him over.
His brother, who I suspected was his twin reached for his arm and they moved away in union, both holding each other and laughing before beginning to play fight and wrestle without a care to the stares of the shoppers around them.
I watched on in silent wonder and fascination. The tears now ran down my cheeks as I noticed the derisive stares from those who had to sidestep the happy family as they bustled their way through the commercial atmosphere.
The grown up children all laughed at the antics of their brother who could not contain his excitement at the moment. The innocence of christmas, the love of a family. The acceptance and pure love of the brother who was different. The family moved off, the disabled brother dancing his way up the mall on the arm of his mother.
I finally looked away, back at the santa booth which was now busy taking the photo of a small screaming baby. No Santa happy shots for my family this year. No happy christmas for my babies as I watch their adorable faces light up opening gifts and discovering new wonders.
I would of liked a copy of that family’s photo. It meant something to me. It meant the heart is still there. Love does exist and family means togetherness and happiness and acceptance and all that is good on this Earth.